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Academic rigour, journalistic flair A happy young woman relaxing on a couch near a christmas tree

Roman Samborskyi/Shutterstock Why you feel pressure to adhere to Christmas traditions – and how to reject the ones you don’t like Published: December 9, 2025 1.54pm GMT Robert Dempsey, Manchester Metropolitan University

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Robert Dempsey
Senior Lecturer in Psychology, Manchester Metropolitan University

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Robert Dempsey receives funding from the BIAL Foundation for ongoing psychometric research..

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Manchester Metropolitan University provides funding as a member of The Conversation UK.

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DOI

https://doi.org/10.64628/AB.hawhpsaey

https://theconversation.com/why-you-feel-pressure-to-adhere-to-christmas-traditions-and-how-to-reject-the-ones-you-dont-like-268707 https://theconversation.com/why-you-feel-pressure-to-adhere-to-christmas-traditions-and-how-to-reject-the-ones-you-dont-like-268707 Link copied Share article

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It’s December, the weather’s turning, and the holidays are fast approaching. You’ve got to find the perfect gift for your partner, parents or that weird relative you only see once a year. At work, there’s the secret Santa for a colleague you barely know, and the office party you’d rather avoid.

Maybe you’re planning Christmas lunch – is it turkey and all the trimmings? There’s travel to sort out, dodging the rush hour trains or traffic. You might feel obliged to appear merry, even if you’re already exhausted.

Where exactly did this to-do list come from? Many of these pressures – these “got tos” – have their basis in social norms, not actual rules.

Social norms are unwritten rules or expectations that guide our behaviour. They reflect what we perceive as normal or correct in a given situation. Norms can help to create a sense of belonging, set expectations and help us avoid social friction. But norms can and do change.

While social norms can be important for regulating group behaviour and relationships, people can feel pressure to conform to these expectations. Not conforming could have potential consequences – like feeling socially excluded or losing status – but this will depend on the social group. Saying that, you’re allowed to reinterpret norms, question them or ignore them entirely.

In the UK, buying and sharing gifts, going to the work party, having large family gatherings, wearing Christmas jumpers, putting up decorations, eating and drinking too much and spending more money than usual are common Christmas norms. These norms are context-dependent though. Other countries, cultures and religions may have their own unique norms or not share celebrations at this time of year.

Social norms shape our sense of what we think we should do or feel during the festive season. Such norms can be positive or negative in nature, and may not always be helpful to adhere to.

Christmas norms have many origins. The pressure to buy “the perfect gift” largely emerged from 20th-century mass marketing, which encouraged people to spend more in shops and buy specific products. Other traditions, like sending Christmas cards, pulling crackers or decorating Christmas trees, date back to the Victorian era.

Today, the internet and social media expose us to a stream of photos, posts and adverts presenting an idealised Christmas. Television and film also reinforce polished images of festive harmony. We might see these portrayals weeks or months before Christmas, shaping our expectations – and possible anxieties – about how we ought to celebrate.

Why we follow norms

We tend to follow social norms through conformity: changing our behaviour to align with what we think others are doing or think is important. Sometimes we do this to fit in (known as normative influence). Other times we do it because we believe others know the right thing to do (informational influence).

Several things could make Christmas norms feel powerful.

Social comparison plays a big role. A perfectly staged Instagram photo of a family in matching jumpers, smiling in front of a table piled high with food, can pressure others to match or outdo that ideal. Not meeting such perceived standards may make us feel worse about ourselves in comparison.

Mere exposure can also be important. Simple repeated viewing of others’ Christmas posts on social media can influence what we think is the norm.

We may also fear judgement for not conforming. Having a smaller Christmas, changing traditions or opting out entirely can feel risky if we worry others will see us as stingy, antisocial or a grinch.

Pressure to conform can come from social media photos and advertising. Syda Productions/Shutterstock

Another factor is pluralistic ignorance: assuming everyone else loves and expects full-scale Christmas celebrations. Others might actually prefer a smaller, quieter Christmas, but feel they can’t have one. My research with colleagues frequently finds that people misperceive what others actually think or do, and these misperceptions add extra pressure to conform to an imagined standard.

None of these factors make us irrational. Perceived social norms are a useful guide and can provide comfort, predictability and connection. But when norms become rigid they can generate stress, financial strain and emotional burnout. Rethinking such norms isn’t rebellious – it’s healthy.

How to let go of Christmas norms

Understanding these pressures can help us make conscious choices about which traditions to keep and which to let go. We know that social norms can be flexible, develop and change over time. Most families already have their own variations on Christmas norms and traditions.

Mine certainly does. In the 1990s, we always visited my grandparents on Christmas Eve for a family meal. Grandad, a non-smoker for the rest of the year, was known to treat himself to a Christmas cigar and a whisky. As kids, we were allowed to open a few presents early because Grandma had “spoken to Father Christmas” – and we didn’t argue with her.

Later on, we stopped having turkey on Christmas Day. My brother and I were never that keen; what we really wanted were the Yorkshire puddings and pigs in blankets. Eventually we shifted to different meals altogether, including curries and Mum’s famous spaghetti bolognese. Dad, who liked traditional roast meals, missed turkey – but our neighbours would sneak over a leftover plate across the fence so he didn’t lose out.

None of these changes meant abandoning tradition or rejecting each other. They simply reflected what worked for us. Often, doing Christmas differently opens the door for more honest conversations about what people enjoy and what they find overwhelming.

Our perceptions of what we think we should do can lead us to take on obligations we might not actually want. Notice which norms feel meaningful to you, and which feel burdensome. You could travel less, spend less, do less or simply not feel festive. You can keep some traditions and let others go. You can establish your own Christmas norms – or have none at all.

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