The price of belonging is inconvenience. Are we still willing to pay it?

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s Newsletters Academic rigour, journalistic flair Only by embracing the deliberate inconveniences of real interdependence can belonging flourish. (Getty Images/Unsplash+) The price of belonging is inconvenience. Are we still willing to pay it? Published: December 9, 2025 5.00pm GMT Andrea Carter, Adler University

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1. Andrea Carter

   Adjunct Faculty in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, Adler University

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Andrea Carter is an Adjunct professor at Adler University. She is also the CEO of Andrea Carter Consulting and the founder of Belonging First Methodology™.

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DOI

https://doi.org/10.64628/AAM.y7fuvuvkk

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“Inconvenience is the cost of community” has become somewhat of a social media mantra for people looking to rediscover what belonging and community actually require.

For years, many have embraced the idea that people can have connections without co-ordination, community without commitment and relationships without the friction of difference. But belonging doesn’t work that way because human interdependence has never been without friction.

It asks us to show up when we’d rather stay home, stay in conversations we’d rather leave and to rely on people whose presence and beliefs grow our capacity to care beyond ourselves.

This inconvenience is part of the social infrastructure that holds communities together. My recent research suggests that when five core “productive frictions” are eliminated from that infrastructure, we strip away the very forces that keep communities strong, productive and together.

Three overlapping epidemics

Three converging epidemics now demand our attention, each pointing to the collapse of community infrastructure.

The first is loneliness. A World Health Organization report released in June found one in six people are affected by loneliness, with recent data from Canada and the United States showing increases since 2024.

Loneliness is linked to roughly 100 deaths every hour — about 871,000 a year — rivalling smoking in its mortality risk.

Read more: Loneliness could kill you

Contributing to this issue is the widespread uptick in familial estrangement. Up to 130 million North Americans are estranged from a close relative, with 35 per cent involving immediate family members. Families often estrange members who are “inconvenient”: those who are different or who challenge repetitive traumatic family dysfunction.

The U.S. has approximately twice the rate of parent-child estrangement as Europe, a pattern researchers tie to a cultural emphasis on individual autonomy over family obligation.

A World Health Organization report released in June found one in six people are affected by loneliness. (Rodrigo Gonzalez/Unsplash)

The second epidemic is workplace toxicity. This year, 80 per cent of U.S. workers described their workplaces as toxic, up from 67 per cent in 2024, and cited it as the primary driver of poor mental health. Gallup’s global data also shows that stalled employee engagement has cost the global economy US$438 billion in lost productivity.

This is happening despite employers investing billions in wellness apps, engagement programs and other strategies. Many organizations are pouring money into individual coping tools while systematically removing the very infrastructure needed for community.

The third epidemic is an unprecedented global decline in civic and employer trust. These are not separate problems. They are all interconnected by a single root cause: the dismantling of social infrastructure that builds cohesion and belonging.

The cost of convenience

A recent study examined emotional intelligence scores from 28,000 adults across 166 countries and uncovered an alarming trend: global emotional intelligence has dropped nearly six per cent between 2019 and 2024.

Researchers call this an “emotional recession” because our shared emotional resources are shrinking in a pattern similar to an economy in a downturn. The steepest declines occurred in intrinsic motivation, optimism and a sense of purpose; three capabilities that help us to keep moving forward, hopeful and willing to invest in relationships.

Many blame “convenience culture.” Convenience culture prioritizes comfort and efficiency over collective responsibility. It often reduces human interaction to what’s easiest rather than what’s meaningful.

Convenience culture prioritizes instant gratification and efficiency over collective responsibility, often reducing human interaction to what is easiest rather than what is meaningful. (Joel Muniz/Unsplash)

Digital platforms promise connection without commitment, comfort without consideration and belonging without mutual accountability. Algorithms reduce exposure to difference by curating belief-aligned feeds and allowing people to retreat from the discomfort that growth requires.

The messy, time-consuming interactions that build trust and interdependency — like the tense moments when colleagues work through conflict rather than agree or look away — are disappearing. We have optimized away the inconveniences that create interdependence, then wonder why people feel so alone, emotionally raw and incapable of handling difference.

As such, a fundamental distinction has been lost: belonging is not the same as fitting in. Fitting in is passive; it accommodates what meets the requirements, provides minimal access and enables you to stay as long as you comply. Fitting in is both conditional and transactional.

Belonging, on the other hand, is active and reciprocal. It asks something of you and the community that receives you. Both parties must adjust, accommodate and be changed by the relationship. That mutual obligation is exactly what convenience culture does not tolerate and precisely what builds trust, respect, commitment and the emotional resilience we are losing.

Five productive inconveniences

My research on workplace belonging identifies five “productive inconveniences” that make real community possible. Here’s how you can bring them into your own life:

1. Costly commitment: Real community is a two-way street. Be willing to put the group’s needs ahead of what’s easiest for you, but make sure this burden doesn’t fall on the same people every time. When only some people have to invest, being part of the community doesn’t mean much.

2. Co-ordinated time: Strong relationships need time to form. When calendars are full, try to make the effort to see people in person. Texts and emails are helpful, but they cannot replace real presence.

3. Navigating difference: Try to maintain relationships with people who see the world differently from you rather than retreating when your views are challenged. Learning to listen, respectfully disagree and stay curious in moments of conflict are what stretches you and makes your community stronger.

4. Conflict repair: Healthy relationships mean taking responsibility and accountability to work through conflict rather than just discounting or disengaging. Instead of unfollowing or walking away, have the hard conversations that allow relationships to survive and grow.

5. Mutual need: Belonging demands interdependence. Ask for help when you need it, and be willing to be needed in return. Doing everything alone is another form of isolation. Mutual reliance is what turns a group of people into a real community.

Choosing people over convenience

Leaders, whether in families, workplaces or communities, must learn to distinguish harmful barriers such as discrimination, exclusion and bureaucratic waste from essential inconveniences that build the muscle of belonging within a community.

The “emotional recession” study emphasizes this: people with higher emotional intelligence were more than 10 times more likely to have strong relationships, be effective in what they do and experience well-being in their lives.

The data suggests that investing in building emotional capacity and the productive inconveniences that develop it pays measurable dividends for individuals and organizations alike.

Community is not built solely through connection. It is built through interdependence, and interdependence is a human infrastructure that is deliberately inconvenient.

Every time we choose people over convenience, we invest in community. The real question in our homes, workplaces and democracies is whether we’re willing to pay that price.

• Relationships
• Loneliness
• Community
• Toxicity
• Convenience
• Estrangement
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